Navigating Back-to-School Emotions with Rosanna Breaux

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Travis Williams

If you have a child or you've simply been shopping during the past month, you probably know the start of a new school year is right around the corner. I think it's safe to say the start of a new school year brings with it a lot of different emotions. And as the parent of a rising kindergartner, which I cannot believe I'm actually saying, I could use a little help knowing what to expect, what to look out for, and how to help my little one get off to the best start possible.

And thankfully Virginia Tech's Rosanna Brough was kind enough to answer all my questions. Rosanna is an assistant professor in the Department of Psychology as well as the director of the Child Study Center at Virginia Tech. Rosanna shared her insights as to what emotions typically pop up for children during this time of year, as well as what red flags we as parents and caregivers should be on the lookout for, and what supports can we put in place to help our children be their best selves.

We also talked a little about the potential impact that banning smart devices in classrooms could have on children. And she gave me some great advice on how I can best make friends in the lunchroom. I'm Travis Williams and this is Virginia Tech's Curious Conversations.

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Travis

This time of year, when people are going back to a new school year, whether been there, whether it's a new school, you know, all kinds of situations are different. But what are just some typical feelings that may start to emerge amongst kids this time of year?

Rosanna

I think the most common one is anxiety. And I think that's true in both children and parents. And that's true with any transition. You know, there's so many unknowns and sources of anxiety for children, whether it's who their teacher will be, you know, will they know anyone who's in lunch you know, or are they going to make a sports team or get into a club that they might be interested in? And so that, you know, all of that transition, all of that uncertainty just understandably leads to anxiety leading up to and then in those early weeks. The other thing that your question makes me think of, and this isn't really a feeling per se, but I think that's important to note for parents is that what is referred to as like the honeymoon period often occurs. So that's kind of the first like two to four weeks of school. And this can be true for first time at school, transition to a new school, or just a new school year. Things typically go pretty well for kids in those first couple weeks. And things might be pleasant for the students and for the teachers, there's lower levels of disruptions in the classroom. But then after that honeymoon period is over, that's where you often will see difficulty start to emerge or some of the bigger emotions might start to emerge after that. And so I think it's important not to just attend in those first few weeks of school or the week or two leading up to school, but after that first month.

Travis

So maybe don't get too excited that, yes, we did it. We're done. Maybe, maybe keep an eye on that, that period for maybe the honeymoon period to end. What are some other factors or possibly situations

Maybe parents should keep an eye on maybe maybe that go overlooked or maybe we just kind of downplay but that are actually a really big deal?

Rosanna

Yeah. I mean there are so many things I could touch on there so I'll try to keep it brief. think one and this is timely kind of with there being a few weeks before the school year starts is thinking about how what's going on in the summer or the lack of structure expectations that are happening in the summer could impact that transition to school. And it's great. We know want kids to have a break and to relax. And that is the purpose of summer. But trying to do things like starting to set some limits around bedtime or having some routine or expectations, maybe 30 minutes of reading or something kind of academic -like in those weeks leading up to the school year can actually really help with that transition and with the routine and make it less like, ugh, to get up and also help them not be as sleepy because morning routines in particular can be challenging in that transition back. The getting up and getting ready if they've been hanging out in pajamas all day or not needing to have structure. One of the other things that I guess comes to mind with that question that I can touch on and this is there's so many levels to what I'm going to say but is considering how what's going on with the parents and with the family could be impacting the child. We often so focus on the child, but stressors in the family, if you're going through a divorce or you just moved homes even within town or illness or something going on in the family, any sources of stress, another child having difficulty in school, all of that can impact how comfortable a child feels going to talk to their parents or letting them know they're having a hard time. And so when possible, if parents can kind of communicate with teachers like, hey, this is a particularly hard time or hey, this thing's going on, even without giving details, it can help teachers kind of know like, hey, this kid might need some extra support or some leeway with deadlines on homework assignments, things like that. And that's particularly true for like middle and high schoolers where their teachers see them for such a short period of time that they might not know that something's going on. Less true for elementary school where often only with one or two teachers and they often know those things or the kids will share those things with their teachers.

Travis

I was going to say our kid is probably sharing all kinds of stuff that we would maybe not even prefer that he share at this point.

Rosanna

Yes. Yeah. Elementary school kids are great at telling you everything in detail and even things that maybe you don't want them to.

Travis

They're fantastic reporters. Their accuracy is maybe suspect at times, but they're great at reporting it. So I'm curious, Maybe as we move into the school year, and I like that you framed maybe not just the beginning of the school year, but beyond that, because just like anything, like when anything big happens in life, I think immediately when something big happens, people rush to it they want to help. But sometimes we kind of forget, like, hey, whatever that situation is, kind of keeps going. So maybe looking at the first month, two months of a new school year, what are some red flags that parents, caregivers should just maybe be on the lookout for?

Rosanna

Yeah. So I think the short answer, and then I'll give some examples after that would be any major changes in behavior or emotions in your child. So you know what your child's normal is for the most part. And so, you know, for younger children, that might look something like them all of sudden starting to be excessively clingy or having a really hard time separating in the morning or, you know, going to school, getting on the bus. Whereas they used to, you know, be fine at drop off for preschool or something like older children, this could be them becoming more irritable or the opposite, kind of more withdrawn and quiet. Granted, that can be hard with puberty and adolescence. But if these changes are also accompanied things by someone who used to be an A .D. student is now doing really poorly in school or if you're noticing changes in sleep or eating habits, those things going along with that could be really concerning. Thinking about younger kids, some other red if a child just happens to mention like, I know when to play with on the playground or I was eating alone at lunch or older kids saying like, I went to the library for lunch. That might be a red flag that bullying or isolation, other things are happening. Some other ones that come to mind, things like refusing to ride a bus could be an indication that something's going on on the bus often or if they used to enjoy an extracurricular activity or sport and now they're kind of not wanting to go there or something like that. Oftentimes, something social can be contributing to those refusals or avoidance of activities, but that can also be impacting them emotionally and then could impact their academic performance as well.

Travis

Okay, so it sounds like just a lot of changes, sudden changes in a lot of different ways is a great thing to keep your eye out for.

Rosanna

Yeah, I mean, you know your kids best. so, you know, generally, some kids are going to take and sometimes kids surprise you slow, slow to warm or more shy kids sometimes do great when they enter kindergarten and you're pleasantly surprised. But new things. And I think the other thing that can be hard is, you know, in the post COVID era, there's much more teachers who are absent and needing substitutes, things like, so your kid who might be doing well all of a sudden could have a really bad day or things. And so looking for patterns, we all have, you know, maybe right after a substitute or after a change, they're doing bad. But if that's continuing afterwards or even after the teacher returns, you want to be attending to those changes that are more than just, they had an off day or they didn't sleep well that day. So they were more grouchy or more clingy.

Travis

Well, what are some supports, maybe even some coping skills that us as parents or caregivers can help give to our children?

Rosanna

So How much time do you have? I'm just kidding. I think I'll try to give a couple nuggets because I think really this is such a critical thing and takes time.

One of the things, as I mentioned, is routine is really helpful and important, and particularly morning routine. A lot of times parents are like, kids don't get enough sleep, so I'm gonna let them sleep in. But that can lead to you feeling rushed and then, you know, arguing and having a peaceful, smooth start at home really can lead to a more positive day at school. Having that time for them to get some food. Snickers had it right on the head when they talked about you're not you when you're hangry. Like when a child has not slept well or if they haven't eaten, they're not gonna do well in school. And so some of those basic self -care, healthy habits. They're critical for everyone, parents included, but for children in terms of being able to do well. think same thing kind of related to thinking about coping skills. They're important for children as well as parents to use and having a range of them. When I say coping skills, I mean, you anything that makes you feel good, that's not harmful for you or others. And so this could be, you know, listening to music, drawing, going for a kids do these all the time, but they're not necessarily things that they can do to feel better when they're at school. And so having parents, especially if younger kids think through like, what are some things you can do if you're upset or someone says something mean to you at school? So, you know, going for a walk to get a drink of water or go to the bathroom can give them that time to kind of cool down, calm down, you know, if they're getting upset so that they're not reacting, taking deep breaths can never be overstated. So like those are some of the things. I think the other thing that when we think about coping strategies, trying to be proactive, like we don't want to wait until there is a problem or your child's really struggling. so thinking about things that are good to do anyways, especially while it's still nice out. you know, going for a weekly or even daily walk as a family or doing, you know, weekly check -ins. was your high of the week, low of the week? encouraging kids to have time to connect with friends. We do that a lot in the summer, but it often becomes harder when we're busy with our schedules during the year. All of those things proactively can help kids when they are in stressful times or they are struggling, be better able to manage.

Travis

Yeah, those all make a ton of sense to me, especially the morning routine, which I've literally just lived this morning. It was not my fault. He woke up on time. It was fine. We just had a refusal to eat an egg and it went on forever.

Rosanna

You know, and it's funny you said that. I don't know if that's a support or a coping mechanism, but I think what you just touched on there, like it's going to be different for every parent and every family, but like figuring out what parents need for their own support as well. You know, think about the oxygen mask on a plane, like, if you don't take care of yourself and you're gonna be reactive or you're gonna be having a hard time, it's hard for you to help support and take care of your child. And so whether that's using your social support system or I'm a big person on using Sunday to meal prep so that I have a bunch of snacks and things ready so that if they're refusing to eat the egg, I can say, all right, here's the granola bar, here's some other options, especially with younger kids having a two, three, four choice option of here's what you can have for breakfast, pick what you want. that gives them some control and some autonomy and also helps reduce the meltdowns.

Travis

Well, one of the other things I wanted to ask you about is, you know, a lot of school systems are going through this banning of smart devices. And I'm just curious, what impact do you think that may have on children?

Rosanna

You know, it's such a great question, such a complex issue. I'll give some of the research that we know that can kind of help inform that answer, but also, you know, truly that answer is speculative and I think we do need more research to see. But I think part of why I'm hesitant in saying that is it depends on the age, it depends on a lot of other child and environmental level factors. So if we're thinking, you know, elementary school kids are less likely to have smart devices, you know, like phones or smartwatches, but we also know that they're less likely to kind protest those bands when they happen or like be upset by them and to have it disrupt, you know, really important education. And so, you know, I don't, my speculation would be that there would be less overall at the, you know, school level or age level for elementary school kids. I think we're going to see more issues with that at the middle high school level, but it's also more complicated there. And part of that is middle schoolers, high schoolers, it's such a key part of their socialization and sources of and so a lot of them want to have some time, even if it's during lunch, where they're able to kind of connect because they might not see their friends throughout the whole day if they don't have classes with them. And that feels like an eternity for them. But it makes sense. know, there are negative things associated with smart devices, with social media. That's such a hot but loaded conversation right now. There is really large study that came out of England that found that teenagers, I think it was like 13 to 16 year olds when they excessively use social media, which was for their study to find us three or more times a day, it was linked to poor mental health and wellbeing outcomes. And so if we're thinking about removing access for the majority of the day when they're up and at school, that could help reduce some of these concerns that we've been seeing, you know, growing trends with particularly female teens related to social media use and negative impacts. There's also now growing concerns around AI and cheating and all of that, that smartphones and smart devices definitely could contribute to. So yeah, I mean, I'm rambling on different things that come to mind with that, but like it's just such a complex issue that I don't think anyone has an answer on. I know some people have raised with, you know, issues with increasing school violence, that it's a safety concern. If the child doesn't have their phone, they don't have communicate. And so I get why people are up in arms about it. But generally, a lot of the data would support that it's the right thing to do that it's causing distractions. I think, as a researcher, the big thing that I would push is that we don't just look at the on average, like what's happening, because I think there are so many factors, things like SES, things like if a child has a documented disability, I work a lot with families of kids with neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD and autism. We know that they're more likely to excessively use media, but also to have negative impacts on their attention based off of use of technology. And so these bans could potentially help those students and those students are also more likely to have academic difficulties. I want to be clear that's speculative, but I think, you know, the big thing I want to highlight there is that we can't just be saying on average, is this leading to improvements or decreases in objective testing, which is what often like SOLs or something to say, is this effective?

Travis

Yeah, so maybe just me as an average parent, maybe the best thing we can do is just be aware that it might be a little different. And we're not sure exactly what it's going to do, but we should just be aware of it.

Rosanna

I think, yeah, and my biased opinion is in general, when you can have parents and teachers on the same page. having teach if the school is enforcing it, having the parents get supporting that and not undermining it by saying like, that's so stupid, or I pay for you to have it, you should be able to have it or anything that could be adding to some of that resistance that the middle schoolers or high schoolers might have, I think can be really helpful because, you know, teens, children, they're very much influenced by what their parents say. And that's gonna be more true than ever, you know, for our upcoming election, there's gonna be lots of things that I'm sure teens will be impressionable about and control over freedoms is definitely one of those hot topics that our teens care about right now.

Travis

I think historically that's always been true. That's true. Teens always care about their freedoms. Well, the last thing I'm curious about, what's the best way to make friends in the lunchroom?

Rosanna

That is such a great question and a hard one. mean, there is good data to support that if you have one person who you know or that you consider a friend or ally, it actually increases your likeability among other friends. And so I think that's one of those things that's controllable at least is like talking to your child about like, well, who do you know or can you sit with? And so even if it's a neighbor or someone who maybe they do dance or a sports team with, if they can have someone Even if they're not really good friends, but they're someone who you know is not going to be like actively mean or rejecting them, it can help them then be able to connect. And if they're having that conversation with one person, it'll help open it up to others.

Travis

Yeah, that's good. That was actually just a question for me. Yeah. And in my life.

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Travis

And thanks to Rosanna for sharing her insights related to the start of the school year and children's emotions.

If you or someone you know would make for a great curious conversation, email me at traviskw at vt .edu. I'm Travis Williams and this has been Virginia Tech's Curious Conversations.