Neurodiversity and the holidays with Lavinia Uscatescu and Hunter Tufarelli

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Travis

The season is in full swing and for a lot of us that means gathering in lights and sounds and music and people. And for a lot of us that is just great, but it's become very apparent, at least in my own life, that not all people process all things the same way and some of those situations and things can actually be quite triggering, especially to individuals who may fall on the neurodivergent spectrum. And since most of us don't ask those type of questions on an RSVP to an event, I was curious what some very basic things are that we could all keep in mind to ensure that we are creating the most welcoming spaces possible this holiday season. And thankfully Virginia Tech's Lavinia Uscatescu was kind enough to share her expertise on this very topic, and was even kind enough to bring along a student researcher, Hunter Tufarelli, who has first-hand experience with this topic as a person with autism.

Lavinia is a research assistant professor in the Department of Psychology and Hunter is a sophomore studying psychology. Lavinia and Hunter helped me better understand what the term neurodivergent actually means and how the spaces that we create impact people that fall on that spectrum. We also talked specifically about the holiday season, what challenges neurodivergent people face specifically in this time of year, And they both shared some very basic tips and advice that we could all keep in mind to just simply ensure our spaces are the most welcoming they could possibly be this time of year. I'm Travis Williams and this is Virginia Tech's Curious Conversations.

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Travis

We have talked in the past some about this topic of neurodivergent thinking, if I'm saying that correctly. And so this term neurodiversity, maybe that's a great place to start. What does that term mean?

Lavinia

So that's a great question because these are words that have recently penetrated in the mainstream vocabulary and it's worth clarifying them. And I will refer to Maureen Dunn's book, The Neurodiversity Edge, which is absolutely a great read for anyone who wants to become more acquainted with the strength that neurodivergent individuals bring to the table. But she clarifies very well that neurodiversity refers to the totality of a population, regardless of their neurotype. And this includes both neurotypicals, such as myself but also autistic individuals, people with ADHD, with dyslexia, acalculia, such different abled people that are part of our community. And she emphasized the fact that these are simply different ways of processing information. There's...no less or no more than that. Right. And so we have these multiple neuro types, the neuro typicals being one of them and together with the other neuro types that we call neurodivergent because they diverge from what we would call typical. Right. This forms the community that we call neurodiversity.

Travis

if I'm understanding this correctly, neurodiversity is maybe in its simplest form being aware that different people process things in different ways. so someone who's more neuro-typical maybe processes them in a more typical fashion and someone divergent maybe in a different way. I don't really like to use the word in the definition, but for the sake of this conversation, maybe we'll leave it there. Well, I know one of the things that you study is how different environmental factors might impact people who are neurodivergent maybe in ways that people who are more neurotypical don't even realize they're doing. So I'm curious, what are some of those kind of common environmental factors that maybe some of us are overlooking?

Lavinia

So most neurodivergent individuals commonly struggle adjusting to sudden changes in the environment. And by that, we can refer, for example, to physical characteristics of an environment, be it sound-related or related to the lighting in an environment. And so most of the work that exists so far that targets adjusting environments to make them more neurodiversity friendly usually focus on these two areas, lighting and sound. However, while there is a wealth of literature that looks at how architectures can be adjusted to accommodate different abled individuals, such as hearing impaired individuals or sight impaired populations. There's actually very little research with respect to neurodiversity itself and how this can be applied. And so this is part of what motivates the project that we recently started working on in a very nice interdisciplinary team that we teach.

Travis

Yeah, and so that project you all are looking at the campus and trying to basically trying to figure out what some of these environmental factors might be and how we can make things are a little bit better. And I know, Hunter, you are a sophomore and you are a part of this project. What drew you to the project?

Hunter

 So I am a research assistant for Lavinia and I have autism myself. So she asked me to join the project as someone with real life experience and also works in research and the psychology field to give my input and help determine what the best aspects of architecture should be focused on first and to be targeted, such as lighting and sound. But it's deeper than that. It's the type of lighting that's used and what could cause sound that doesn't need to, like HVAC machines and air conditioning and stuff, like those are really loud and some lighting is extremely loud. And then also like how rooms are set up, how crowded a room can get versus how too open a room is, like those aspects of architecture are pretty important for someone who is autistic like me or neurodiverse in any way that's not like a neurotypical mindset because there's a lot of things that we have to think about to accommodate for ourselves and our sensitivities that the majority of the population doesn't have to think about.

Travis

I'm curious what some things are specifically that maybe you have encountered that I might overlook that bother you.

Hunter

So like she said before, like transitions between things are harder for like people with autism. So if I walk into a room that's extremely bright, I end up Also, the lights are like fluorescent so I can hear the buzzing of it. The room is too bright and now it's too loud automatically and therefore I'm going to be more overwhelmed than if I walked into a room that was just too bright or just too loud. Okay, that makes a lot of sense to me.

Travis

Well, I know that the holidays are right around the corner and I know that a lot of us will be gathering with people around the holidays no matter what holidays we actually celebrate, going to different things. having people over. And so I'm curious, I guess first from maybe a research perspective, what are some things we should be considering when it comes to inviting people over and we're a little unsure about maybe how they process the world?

Lavinia

So from a researcher's perspective, but I would like then to invite Hunter to take over. From a researcher's perspective, the elements that we mostly focus on in research when it comes to making environments and even social gatherings more neurodiversity friendly. The key element here is predictability, giving people a sense of what's going to happen, right? Telling them in advance when you expect the gathering to start developing, right? When people start arriving, how many people there are, who is going to attend. And what will be included in your schedule, even though this may seem like something artificial to us who are just used to freestyling in social situations. This can be extremely stressful for a person that is neurodivergent because they don't know what to expect. Right. So simply thinking of ways to make events that you organize as predictable as possible. and being open to answer questions that again, because to you, certain aspects may not seem obvious, right? Being open to the fact that some of your guests might want to know and be reassured with respect to certain aspects. For example, for Christmas, right? People love the flickering lights. Well, the flickering light bulbs are a nightmare, right? maybe switching from a flickering type of lighting to a soft type of lighting that does not flicker, that is maintained constant light. Or making sure to have a quiet space reserved in your home so that people who are overwhelmed by all the sensory stimulation have a place to retreat and recover simple things I would say that can accommodate neurodivergent individuals without any disruption.

Travis

Yeah, none of those sound bad to me. In fact, I think I would love to have a quiet place often, even when I'm hosting my own parties, a quiet place for me to go and for a while and then come back.

Lavinia

Socializing is taxing on everyone, really, right? Especially when you probably also feel a little bit of a sense of obligation around the holidays to show up in certain contexts where you probably wouldn't necessarily mingle with certain maybe family members or you know, acquaintances. So that can be overwhelming on anyone.

Travis

Well Hunter, if I was to invite you to a gathering at my house, which I might, you're totally invited to anything that we have, by the way.

Hunter

Thank you. Thank you.

Travis

But if I want to advise you to my house, what are some things that you would want me to know? Or maybe a better question is, how could I make my house as comfortable and as welcoming as possible for you?

Hunter

So like what she was saying, predictability is a pretty good thing, but not even like I need a step by step schedule. More like, let me know the expectations you would like me to know for the event, about how many people are going to be there start and end times, if it's a meal based thing, when is food going to be served? Should I bring anything, etc. I think expectations are kind of like the overarching key to everything. You let me know your expectations for me and I let you know my expectations for the party and what you can expect from me. Like if it's a five hour event, maybe I can't be there for the full five hours, but I can tell you when I'm going to be there when I can leave. Also, not expecting everyone to react in the way that you'd react to things. If I just end up getting overwhelmed and I need to just like step outside for a minute or go to a quiet room, sometimes people see this as like an offense on them and they get really defensive and think that they've done something wrong when in reality it's just me needing a break. This also can lead to either defensiveness or judgment, thinking that I'm crazy or weird for this, which I don't think is abnormal to just need a break sometimes, but some people either get really defensive or just judgmental about it. And I think just limiting those two things is a pretty significant factor and just being more open-minded to neurodiverse people. Yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense to me.

Travis

As you approach your own holidays, have you been able to have some conversations in advance with some of the people that you'll be around related to this topic?

Hunter

Yes. So I've been having the conversation for years with my family about not wanting too much physical affection and like hugging when I'm not willing to be hugged at the moment. And understandably, a lot of people immediately take this as, I don't want to love them or I don't want them to hug me. But it's less about them and more about me as a person not wanting to be touched because I'm already overwhelmed with something else in the moment. And that extra like sensory factor would make it harder for me to like come back from that anxiety from the previous thing. So it's and it's completely understandable to me like that people immediately take this and become defensive. However, I think people just need to realize that not everything is at fault, that is their fault. sometimes it's not no one's to blame.

Travis

Is a good practice in a situation like that to maybe provide that person with some alternatives? I say this because I know that with our child, we try to provide some alternatives like, hey, you don't have to hug your grandparents. You can maybe do a fist bump or you can just wait, whatever you're comfortable with. Is that a good way to approach it?

Hunter

I think so, yeah. I think also it's important not to expect an alternative. But alternatives are great. If someone was like, hey, you don't want a hug, can I give you a high five? Yes, I'm down for a high five. That sounds fun. I think it just really depends on the person. But I think an alternative could be a way to ease that initial discomfort or embarrassment from not wanting a hug. I'm glad that that makes sense to you.

Travis

I'm glad that we're kind of doing everything the right way. He's okay with hugging, but there's a couple of relatives that maybe not so much. I don't know if they're just like hard huggers. Maybe they smell weird. don't know.

Well, guess, Lavinia, from a research perspective, what is one thing you would just like for people to most keep in mind as they head into a season of being around a lot of different people and that they maybe do not know everything about?

Lavinia

So one interesting point that I took from a speaker who is also autistic and a neurodivergent individual and a self-advocate is to not guess. Do not, the key word here is diversity, right? Just assume that people are different from you and if you're unsure, ask. And I think if we normalize asking people what they are comfortable with, instead of assuming and trying to guess and maybe guessing wrong, right?

Simply ask. this can then...ease people's way towards establishing expectations and boundaries and understanding why certain boundaries have to be placed like no hugging right now, right? Without assuming, right, that if this person doesn't want to hug me, then they do not like me. They do not want to be here. If they retreat, to a different room for a while, that means they're hating my party and my God, I'm a terrible host, right? So not making assumptions and not guessing, simply asking, asking and accepting the answer as valid, even though for you as perhaps a neurotypical individual, this may seem unnatural, right? But again, remembering the concept of neurodiversity and the fact that different individuals process information differently. It's not always what you would expect to happen in the environment. It's not always the way you would expect people to react, that they will react. so, we accept the element of diversity and embrace it.

Travis

Yeah. Hunter, what one thing would you like for people who are hosting things to keep in mind when they're inviting guests?

Hunter

Honestly, I think the whole thing of not making assumptions and just asking is like the key. think she detailed that and explains that perfectly because the issue with a lot of these things is that people just make assumptions about what you hear thinking or don't believe you because your explanations for things don't make sense to them when it's completely true for you.

Travis

I want to ask you a different question though as well. What advice would you give for somebody who may be neurodivergent when it comes to having conversations or maybe coping in these situations?

Hunter

With coping in these situations, know your limits, you know yourself, you know when you can't handle things and it's never like okay. And it's not fair to you or the host to push yourself past the limits to just resolve some of this like guilt that you might have because you shouldn't feel guilty for being overwhelmed or tired or just exhausted with social interaction and take breaks when you need, because you know when you need breaks and a lot of people, including myself, like to ignore that to quote unquote be more normal and be more sociable. But recently I've been not doing that as much and it's making it a lot easier for me to function in social interactions.

And with my friends and stuff, I will just tell them when I need a break and they all just let me have a break. And that has made things really easier because I'm being more communicative and then they're also just accepting my explanations of I'm not hating hanging out, I'm just tired.

Travis

I think if I was gonna sum up what both of you said, maybe it is be kind with other people and be kind with yourself.

Hunter

Yes, perfect.

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Travis

And thanks to Lavinia and Hunter for talking to me about neurodivergent thinking and the holiday season. If you or someone you know would make for a great curious conversation, email me at traviskw at vt.edu. I'm Travis Williams and this has been Virginia Tech's Curious Conversations.

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